I am going to be 27 on july 31st and my parents are getting a divorce after 30 yrs of marriage. Sad I know. And bizarre. What%26#039;s even weirder is my mom has been having an affair with this separated ex-lawyer who%26#039;s her age 9mid-60s) for 4 yrs that my father and I never suspected. They met at this park where ppl walk their dogs, dog MY dad got for heras a gift. We thought it was platonic. IO sometimes had my doubts bc when i was pregnant w/my daughter who%26#039;s now almost 2, I noticed my mom would get sad if he wasn%26#039;t there. But i thought she just had a crush on him that wouldn%26#039;t harm anything. It did---my dad very badly.
Now my mom is pestering my dad about when he%26#039;s moving out---which hes decided asap so next week---he already found a place. I am so sad for him---my dad%26#039;s heart is broken. He is so hurt with my mom. my dad has flaws yes---he smokes too much cigs, he vents too much about work, spends too much time on the computer---but he genuinely loved my mother and probably still does. She lead him on which gets him the most these final 3 yrs. he%26#039;d talk about all the places they%26#039;d go when they retire and she just went along w/it, all the while seeing %26quot;him%26quot; whom i%26#039;ve now developed a strong dislike for. Yesterday she even had the nerve to ask my dad if %26quot;he%26quot; could have his desk there bc %26quot;there was nowhere to put it%26quot;.
I honestly don%26#039;t know what my mom sees in this guy over my dad, the father of her 2 grown children and 3 grandchildren (my brother%26#039;s 30 with 2 kids, and I have a 2 y/o girl). This guy was fired from his a law firm, he never sees his grown daughters and their children but once a year, he%26#039;s not even legally divorced from his wife, she separated from him, he doesn%26#039;t have his own place so he lives with a friend and his family, of 2 little girls and wife, and walks their dogs to stay there. He lives off of social securiy (he%26#039;s old enough now to collect it). I just don%26#039;t see how my mom could pick him over my dad. oh yeah he%26#039;s short kinda pudgy balding and reminds me of a hispanic version of woody allen.
Yet my mom has such strong feelings for him.
I am sickened by her and am afraid to tell her for fear of severing ties with her. She IS my mother and I DO still love her, despite how she%26#039;s hurt my dad. but I have these feelings about her now and i have to fake them around her. I%26#039;ve told her how i feel that it isn%26#039;t fair or right, but when i did shed get really defensive.
The day after my dad told me about it, a dead hawk was lying in front of their house, which i thought was so symbolic. my dad has lately been in tears. he BEGGED my mom to change her mind after she said yes when he gave her an ultimatum---to either stop seeing this guy or they divorce. he didn%26#039;t expect the answer to be yes. It was and he begged her to not do it.
I feel so sorry for my dad and I am there for him, as much as I can be.
My feelings of bitterness are building up to my mom and her %26quot;lover%26#039; as everything%26#039;s getting finalized w/my dad moving out. i never knew how divorce could affect the adult child but it%26#039;s def. affecting me. its making me question my own very being even---did my mom fake it all those yrs with my dad bc of me and my brother? things like that.
Does anyone have any advice? Know similar stories? How can i forgive my mom/ I actually have plans to go shopping with her for my daughter%26#039;s bday tomorrow but I just don%26#039;t know if i can tolerate being around her right now.
Also, even though i%26#039;m a grown woman almsot 27, I still need gidance soemtimes. I feel liek my mom isn%26#039;t supposed to be the one going after guys and flings that she should be the one setting an example for ME. I am not married to my partner I harbor doubts and now i see why. Watching this has really made me feel insecure about lots of things. But what gets me most is my mother%26#039;s selfishness through this entire thing, and her lack of regard for my dad completely. In that sense, it will eb good when my dad leaves bc he shoudlnt be treated that way.How do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?i dont think you should take sides or be judgemental , both your parents are right.
THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG ONLY A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION
So you need to support both of them and let them decide their futureHow do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?I%26#039;m sorry your feelings are hurt by this. My mother never treated my dad like I thought he should be treated either. They never divorced but at times I wish they had. He passed away about 4 years ago. My mother was not a loving person. My dad was. I suggest you give your dad as much love and support as possible. He can find someone else to love, it happens every day. If you don%26#039;t feel comfortable being around your mom right now, don%26#039;t. Tell her you are hurt by the entire situation and you need time to heal. Tell her you still love her. Hugs.How do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?I%26#039;m not really sure if this helps, but my dad cheated on my mum and that%26#039;s what caused their divorce. It made me bitter for a while and now I don%26#039;t see my dad, period. I%26#039;ve had 4 years to think it over and I feel like I shouldn%26#039;t have let my parents problems get in the way of my relationship with my dad. So, be angry at your mum, but don%26#039;t let it ruin your relationship with her. What she did was wrong and your dad didn%26#039;t deserve that, but sometimes people make mistakes, the **** hits the ceiling and there%26#039;s nothing that can be done. So just talk to your mother about how you%26#039;re feeling, be calm but be honest, and maybe she can give you a little more of her view on the whole issue. You might not be able to forgive, but the least you can do is understand where she is coming from. Trust me when I say, if you don%26#039;t sort it out now it might not be sorted at all. You don%26#039;t want this to break you apart from her, and its better if every-ones feelings are out in the open...
Good luck to you, I hope that everyone can find some happiness in this situation hopefully...How do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?Obviously your mother needed more from your dad, and she didn%26#039;t get it. Hopefully you never go through that. Don%26#039;t take sides, she didn%26#039;t do this to hurt you intentionally, people change as they grow older, and grow apart. It%26#039;s nothing against you or your family. Your mother has her reasons. Maybe the smoking, complaining, and so much time on the computer, not paying attention to her, wore her down. She won%26#039;t last with this guy. But she has to make her own mistakes, just like you do. Your brother cannot blame his alcoholism on your mother%26#039;s affair. Remember how you felt when you first fell in love? How giddy and excited you felt? After many years, if you don%26#039;t keep this alive, love dies.How do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?I don%26#039;t need to read any of the details to know the answer:
the old saying %26quot;forgive and forget%26quot; is actually the other way around - you forgive once you forget.How do i forgive my mom for what she%26#039;s done to my father?JUST FORGIVE HER COZ SHE IS IN LOVE
AND LOVE DIDN%26#039;T SEE WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG
MORE EVER BY FORGIVING HER U AND UR FATHER WILL NOT BE HAPPY AS HE CAN%26#039;T LIVE WITH A WOMAN WHO HAD CHEATED HER
ASK UR FATHER TO DIVORCE HER AND START A NEW LIFE WITH SUMONE ELSE AND U HELP HIM IN DOING SO
IF HE LIVES WITH UR MOM HE WON%26#039;T BE ABLE TO FORGIVE HIMSELF FOR LIVING WITH A WOMAN WHO HAD CHEATED HER
U AND UR FATHER FORGIVE HER AND START UR LIFE FROM NEW STARTING
GOD BLESS U DEAR
